Ever been in a phase where everything is working out real fine, yet, somehow, you crave for something different? Something which would only complicate the already great things? I do. I always do.

Whenever I feel happy about something, I can't help but think of 'what ifs'. The thing is, those what ifs are bound to destroy the very thing that makes me happy. But it's something that is like nature to me. It's like I was born to crave for something that I know I shouldn't even be thinking of.

I let go of him already, for the umpteenth time. Yet, whenever I get the chance to have a glance or peek at his profile, I can't help but wonder what it would have been like to be with him instead. I always end up getting my phone, texting him, even flirting with him sometimes, which is totally, totally wrong, yet somehow, feels right. He doesn't mind that I text him messages once in a while, but he doesn't let his girlfriend know about it, the same way my boyfriend is totally clueless about us texting. I can't help it but I find myself missing him. Just seeing his name on my phone makes me happy. Eventually, I came to realize that it's not the same anymore. I'm no longer madly in-love with him. I just miss his presence. The way he makes me smile, makes me laugh, wakes me up at about 11 in the evening only to tell me that he feels cold, texting me while he's on the field to tell me it's cold outside, to tell me he's near Makati. I miss him. Period.

I know it's not wrong to miss somebody, but missing him makes me do stupid things. Like text him almost everyday, looking at his profile every chance I get, sending IMs. It's like an addiction that eventually brings back former feelings, feelings that have already been buried, feelings of like, of love. I shouldn't be like this. It's unfair.

I tried to look at his profile today. I stared at the pictures of him and his girlfriend. There's still that familiar twinge, but no more ripping. It's like poking myself but it isn't that painful anymore. Looking at them makes me appreciate the way my boyfriend takes care of me, that thanks to him, I have met my boyfriend, someone that I'm so compatible with, to the point of perfection. Well, almost.

One of the lines that caught me in a movie once was 'whenever you love somebody, they become a part of you even if they're already gone'. I've come to a point where I'm no longer bitter or resentful to what happened between us. I can honestly say that I am happy for him. I also am very thankful that he became a part of my life. Eventhough things didn't work out for the two of us, I'm  happy that for about 6 years of my life, he was the one who made me wake up and sleep with a smile on my lips, who gave me my kilig moments, my romantic and hilarious dreams, my first blushes with love. But most of all, I'm thankful that he was the one who taught me how to love.

Last night was pretty much a night of pleasant surprises.

It all started out when I found out my vocalist friend has a gig very near our house. I decided to tell my sister and cousin about it. My sister tried to talk my father into permitting us to go, and, as if by some miracle, he agreed.

On the concert venue, I was having second thoughts if I should go in or not. I was reluctant to pay for the ticket (which was obviously overpriced). Anyhow, a van soon arrived and I got a chance to see him, my vocalist friend. The next thing I know, I was already handing out money to the girl in charge of the tickets. In another minute, I was already inside.

It was bad enough that the bands who were playing were amateurs. What made it worse was the fact that we were standing in the middle of the venue, surrounded by about a hundred of JJs. And to add to that, the JJs kept bugging us, maybe because they noticed we were not 'one of them'.

We waited for about 2hours, watching the JJs strut their trademark moves. I was desperate, not to mention worried sick, because I still haven't had a glimpse of my vocalist friend. When it was finally their turn on the stage, the JJs started to come alive again and we were shooed to the sides. I wasn't even sure if my vocalist friend saw us even though our position was very strategic and very conspicuous, not to mention we were wearing white tops. He kept glancing our way but that didn't make me believe he actually saw us. (Mental note: wear contact lens whenever there's an event. Damn it!)

Ingenuity (or sheer desperation) struck me, I went to the bathroom to wait for them to pass by. I had my cousin set as the look out. The bouncers were annoying her but she just insisted that she was just waiting for someone. 3 songs later, he passed by. It was like Bora once again, this time, only better.

The bouncers were shocked when they saw him and I chatting. "Magkakilala sila?", asked one of the bouncers, the one who kept bugging my cousin. I was like, 'Hell, yeah!'.

I asked if we could take pics, had some chat, then he went upstairs to meet with his bandmates. When he went down, he was greeted by a lot of fans, some of them JJs. After the photo op, I thought he was about to leave already since they still had another gig to rush to. He, however, stayed by my side for a while, had another chitchat, took another photo, and then he took off.

Not exactly as I expected, but our meeting presented a lot of options for me. To be faithful or to be happy? Tough choice...

Hassle: the perfect word for this week.

Case 1: Last Wednesday, I spoke to a certain Mohan Gumatay. He bought a nw ticket but with a cx flight to hkg. He was using a cellphone so I was in a rush to get his ticket rebooked. And a small commotion started forming right behind my back. My co-agents were talking about having spoken to Mo Twister. And the agent behind my back said, "Mohan" yung name. I was like, 'f*ck!'. It's bad enough that the passenger is using cellphone, now I have to worry about him getting pissed off if I put him on hold too long. Soon, enough, my co-agents noticed that I was rebooking his ticket. They were like, "Naku! Siya yan! Ayusin mo 'yan, baka kung anong masabi sa'tin pag hindi mo inayos 'yan." Eventually, I was able to rebook his ticket, and he told me he'll drop by the counter either Friday or Saturday. When i finished the call, my friends were like, "Sana pinabati mo kami on-air." Whatever!

Case 2: This afternoon, my father decided that I commute. In line for the shuttle, the guy in front of me was acting really strange. He kept on staring at every girl that passed. And he looked at me twice. The thing is, he just doesn't look at your face, he looks at you from head to foot. But me being the good girl that I am, I always give the guys the benefit of the doubt. I just told myself that I wished I wouldn't be seated next to him. But my wish didn't come true. It was bad enough that the shuttle was jampacked, but with a guy trying to stick his elbow in your boobs is just aarrgghhh!! The nerve! He was also pretending to be asleep while he was doing his dirty deed. Like hello?! Whoever sleeps while edging his elbows onto someone else's chest, and whenever I try to shove it off, he just keeps on trying to pull off the move again. That bastard!

Case 3: Norms, Glacie and I are the newbies in the office. And being neophytes, some agents just can't help but be tooooo nice to us. Eventually, we made codes to hide the identity of our fellow agents. The good thing with our system is that it allows you to 'chat' with your co-agents. So, we made good use of that feature. Whenever there isn't any call, we chat and chat until another call comes in. Yesterday, however, Glacie sat on a different station. I asked for her station code. I sent a message to her but unfortunately, I got the wrong address. My message was sent to one of the counter agents. As if that wasn't bad enough, I actually typed in "masungit na naman si ipis ngayon." Now, they keep on bugging me to reveal who ipis is. They even threatened to spread the word that the three of us are using codes for our officemates. Yikes!!!

I could sure use a break. Can't wait for my vacation leave on 26 and 27.

I had so much fun yesterday. Not only did I get to see my college buds again, but we ended up having free DQ in Eastwood. All thanks to a certain someone by the name of Toj. teehee...

And to top it all off, we went back to UP to finish our night with a round of beer. I'm not really fond of pilsen but I'm not one to complain either. haha..

The thing I like best when we have a drinking sesh is when we start getting tipsy and all our inhibitions slowly fade away. That's when the fun starts. And that's when I usually start blabbering nonstop. 

I ended up having a sleepover at Agatha's. Not that we actually had this planned, but when you start getting text messages with curses from your father, you start thinking "maybe I shouldn't go home tonight". And that's where Agatha comes in. Thanks a lot friend!

I just realized that it's a good thing to keep track of my older brother's crushes. We had a bet last night on who is the lead actress in 'A lot Like Love'. Toj actually thought it was Demi Moore, and I took advantage of that. haha.. I knew it from the start that it was Amanda Peet, although I forgot her name last night. But since Toj lost the bet, another date is on the way, with free DQ ice cream cake on the menu. 

One thing though... it's when the alcohol gets in your system that things start to get fussy. And I'm not really good at that. So let's just leave it as it is. I hope. 

from gdwn...

 

What I've Done in UP

[x] Got worried about getting bullied by fratmen or getting killed in a riot.
[ ] Got bullied by fratmen or was killed in a riot.
[ ] Witnessed a riot.
[x] Watched the Oblation Run. (Accidentally. Although plano naman talaga namin, di ko naman alam na magkakatotoo pala.)
[x] Made friends with a teacher.
[ ] Was tricked as a freshman into attending a rally / prayer meeting.
[ ] Wore red or black on one of those wear red or wear black days.
[ ] Wore red on Valentine's Day.
[x] Wore black on Valentine's Day. (Malamang. Black and white naman madalas na color ng damit ko.)
[ ] Celebrated a birthday at Mang Jimmy's.
[x] Learned UP Naming Mahal.
[ ] Was an RA (registration assistant) or SA.
[ ] Lied or begged to an RA for a slot in class.
[ ] Participated in a there's-only-one-more-slot-are you-feeling-lucky?
[ ] Jogged around the campus. (Na-try ko lang maglakad, yung tipong 30 mins kang naglalakad nang walang definite na patutunguhan.)
[x] Visited the Vargas Museum.
[x] Knew at least one xerox lady, manong, or technician by name.
[x] Attended university level graduation.
[x] Got an activist for a teacher.
[ ] Watched a La Salle vs. Ateneo UAAP game.
[ ] Watched a UP vs. any school basketball game.
[x] Studied in CASAA. (Sa haba ng break ko nung freshie, dun na ko nagpapalipas ng oras. Loser. haha...)
[ ] Studied in McDonald's or Jollibee Philcoa for one full night and bought just one regular-sized drink.
[ ] Studied along Katipunan.
[ ] Studied along Katipunan and affected the mannerisms of a stereotypical Atenean.
[ ] Watch a play that's not required for Comm III.
[x] Went stargazing. (Sa Hundred Islands, for 111, together with Agatha. With matching falling star pa, at nag-wish kami. haha...)
[x] Ate in Chocolate Kiss, Tea Room (in CHE) or Chateau Verde. (15Feb07, Chocolate Kiss, at kelangan tanda yung date? haha... With my 'other' special someone kasi...)
[ ] Slept in the lib.
[ ] Struck up a conversation with a taong grasa.
[ ] Wrote to/for the Collegian.
[ ] Seriously pondered about the identity/ies of the people described in Eksenang Peyups.
[ ] Went to the chapel.
[ ] Got a pebble stuck in your shoe/slippers while walking in Sunken Garden. (Di ko pa na-try bumaba ng Sunken Garden. Loser. haha..)
[ ] Cut class with your block to watch a movie.
[ ] Had a Voltes V for a teacher.
[ ] Took a class under Joseph Palis.
[ ] Lied to the transcript lady to get a transcript earlier than the standard 3 months.
[ ] Went to a Freshman-only concert.
[ ] Subsisted on just streetfood (fishballs, half footlongs, kwekwek, squidballs/rolls, mais, dirty ice cream) for a day.
[ ] Learned how to smoke.
[x] Went on an out-of-town trip with blockmates or orgmates.
[x] Fell in love.
[ ] Actually read the book you keep borrowing from the lib.
[x] Played cards during your free time. (Bluff!!! oh c'mon!)
[x] Dressed in business attire.
[ ] Sumabit sa jeep.
[ ] Got sung to or sung to someone in class during Valentine's day.
[x] Watched the Lantern Parade.
[x] Helped out a total stranger.
[ ] Helped out a total stranger because he/she was hot.
[ ] Learned to stay awake for more than 24 or 48 hours straight. (Hindi ko kinakaya ang 24hrs straight. Hanggang 23hrs lang.)
[ ] Got bullied by fratmen and feeling cool wannabe people who were actually losers.
[x] Took Wednesday and/or Sat classes WILLINGLY. (Especially my Tour144 and Tour175 classes na sobrang minahal ko.)
[ ] Volunteered for the pahinungod.
[ ] Ate "tasteless white sauce" pasta from cock-a-noodle-doo. (Di ko na-try ang 'white sauce', puro red sauced pata kasi inoorder ko.)
[x] Got a boyfriend/girlfriend. (Kinda. haha...)
[x] Took time to read the vandalism in the CR
[ ] Watched a sexy art film for any GE class.
[ ] Got held up or pickpocketed. (Almost. Three times. But they failed.)
[x] Felt depressed because you were not as good academically as you were in high school. (Pero okay na rin kasi hindi naman sabaw ang image ko nung college.)
[x] Did a last minute paper.
[ ] Had spent a lot for 1x1 ID pictures.
[x] Got exempted from final exams.
[ ] Got exempted from a final exam but still took it.
[ ] Attended a varsity pep rally.
[ ] Watched LIVE AIDS, Androgyny, Maskipaps or any well-known variety show.
[ ] Promised to quit smoking.
[ ] Got into at least one (org- or council-sponsored) adventure race.
[x] Knew where the best restrooms are on campus. (
[x] Joined an org.
[x] Allowed yourself to make mistakes.
[ ] Went to the gym in spite of having no PE class just to ogle varsity players/cute boys.
[x] Took summer classes.
[x] Admired the Oblation.
[x] Made a video for a project. (Kahit hindi project, for fun lang.)
[x] Had a crush on a teacher.
[ ] Had a teacher who had a crush on/tried to court you.
[ ] Attended your ROTC Bivouac.
[ ] Faked sickness to get an absence excused.
[ ] Got your car scratched by one of those "Kuya bantayan ko kotse niyo" kids.
[x] Took a PE class where you had to pay for tuition (i.e. sportsclimbing, ten pin bowling, scuba diving, etc).
[x] Went to school in your crappiest yet most comfy clothes.
[ ] Learned how to use the Bayantel pay phones.
[x] Participated in school activities.
[ ] Caught the UP Pep Tryouts.
[x] Dated someone from UP. (Technically.)
[x] Rode an IKOT and TOKI.
[x] Found a tambayan.
[x] Went drinking at Sarah's. (At 10 in the morning. With matching cutting classes pa!)
[ ] Learned how to beg for a higher grade.
[ ] Used your 6 allowable absences wisely.
[ ] Lived in a dorm.
[ ] Volunteered to be beadle or go-to guy for your group / class.
[x] Had the worst schedule. (Second year, second sem. Hell talaga.)
[x] Realized that there really is just one coconut tree on the sunken garden
[x] Not used up all 6 allowable absences.
[ ] Ate in ISSI, Treehouse, Mama Thai's and other more obscure cafeterias.
[ ] Ate food Aristocart-style.
[x] Is active in your org. (Dati, before nung last term.)
[x] Attended an ACLE.
[ ] Got as many app forms as you can during the job fair.
[x] Learned how to cram.
[ ] Sold tickets for (or watched) an org-sponsored movie/premiere.
[ ] Saved money to Xerox all of your seatmate's notes.
[ ] Had accidentally seen a make-out session.
[ ] Slept in class.
[x] Finished a homework/assignment/paper in the Shopping center or Philcoa.
[x] Had mountains of "unused" sample exams and/or old testaments. (Until now, nakatago pa yung iba.)
[x] Resolved to be "better this semester".
[x] Slept during a test. (Marine Science. As in nakatulog talaga ako! Essay kasi yung exam.)
[x] Had groupmates from hell. (hmm... pwede bang example yung Tour153? Except for Melai.)
[x] Learned how to work with groupmates from hell.
[ ] Perfected the art of parking on campus.
[ ] Had a bad encounter with one of the guards on campus.
[x] Developed a love for sisig. (Many thanks to Gaor and our food trippin' every Tuesdays and Fridays.)
[ ] Practiced those UP cheers in the first meeting for PE class.
[ ] Looked at microfilms in the library or poked through archives.
[x] Reserved a classroom, AVR, etc. for a class or org function.
[ ] Attended the UP Fair.
[x] Went to a library other than your own college's to research.
[ ] Lost a perfectly functioning umbrella.
[x] Used consultation hours properly.
[ ] Went to the Guidance Office for real, heart-to-heart guidance.
[ ] Went to the infirmary.
[ ] Attended class with a hangover.
[x] Drink beer or alcohol while inside UP grounds. (Tour181, but with consent of our prof naman dahil bar yung report namin.)
[x] Walked all the way to Philcoa or Katipunan from UP. (All the way to Sta. Lucia pa 'kamo!)
[ ] Buy frogs from NSRI or a Bio department.
[ ] Maxed out on the 6 allowed unexcused absences but DID NOT drop.
[ ] Got invited or pursued by a sorority or fraternity.
[x] Wore slippers to school. (naman!)
[ ] Had a professor who smoked in class.
[ ] Got diagnosed by the Infirmary as pregnant or infected with STD.